A recent conversation with my friend Jeff lent perfect perspective to the feeling of.....post football traumatic stress syndrome. This is Jeff's first year A.F. (after football). I feel like there should be a support group for us, I know exactly how he feels watching his old team from the sidelines for the first time. I assured him that he would learn how to handle the feeling better, but it would never go away. As I suspected he knew exactly what I was talking about. As Jeff put it, "I feel inadequate." There it was. We agreed. I have a professional career, Jeff will be attending a law school, we look like we are successful people. Yet inside, we feel like we have no purpose, like we are not doing what we are clearly designed and intended to do, what we have known for years.
So lets do the analysis gig on this... Why is this?
I've heard it a thousand times, football is just a game. No. Billiards is a game. Football is more than that, I consider it a state of being... you have to give yourself to it and you'll never get that piece back. I don't respond by saying that, I just say "yea I guess." Because the bottom line is, someone who hasn't lived it is incapable of understanding the feeling. I guess that makes this entire post irrelevant, oh well you got this far might as well read on. I think a quote I once heard says it best:
"From the outside looking in, you can't understand it; From the inside looking out, you can't explain it."
I think we feel this way because football meets all of our sociological needs. A sense of belonging, accountability to a group, a bundle of rituals and order, and a challenge and reward for your efforts. We'll look at these one by one.
Sense Belonging/Accountability:
There is no other sport where trust and accountability play such a vital role. Look at basketball or hockey, one great player can carry a team on his/her shoulders. In football its 11 players, and if even one of them doesn't trust someone else to do their job, the whole group suffers. Some people play a sport for themselves, but you play football for everyone else. I've coached and seen football teams where people play for themselves... their seasons are over quickly and abruptly.
I look at summer lacrosse leagues I play in, or attempt to. There are dozens of guys (current college players) that register for these leagues, yet by the end of summer they are canceled for lack of attendance. Why? Because bro, when you're a laxer, you just show up and roll, bro. Drink some brewskis and chill man, its all good.... Well, unless you want me to work out in the off-season or skip my kan-jam session to be at a game, "that's whack bro." I feel as if there was a group of college football players running an off-season passing league, they would be there for the commitment, and if someone wasn't he would hear about it from the rest of the group. Football is amazing in policing its-self in that aspect. Maybe that is why such a small percentage of players who begin a college career end it, it takes immense dedication, and some sacrifice.... not everyone is willing to pay that price.
Rituals and Order:
Sure there are the large rituals. Tuesday is full contact day, Thursday is 2 minute drill, Friday walk-through. I used to hate practice, it sucks. Don't get me wrong, it always sucked, yet I began to embrace it, its necessary, it creates....improvement. Then there's pre-game meals, meetings, warm-ups, all of these big rituals promote order. Yet, what I think of is the little things, the ...gulp.... emotional things. It's about the feeling of 67 degrees, the fall breeze blowing leaves over the field, it just feels like football, love, excitement, thrilling uncertainty. Trying to catch my breath while I look for hand signals, every 20 seconds, its tough to do, it happens so fast - lights flashing, colors blazing in front of you. You try to take it all in, experience it and become one with it in just 20 seconds. Then its over, get the call, line up, collect yourself.... its happening again.
Its also about eating the same exact thing 3 hours before the game, putting each pad in your pants in the same order, taping, strapping, tying... everything has to be just right. Then you wake up one day and you have no taping to do, no strapping, no warm ups, no meetings, no rush.... what do I do now?
Challenge and Reward:
This is the most impressive part of the sport in my opinion. You spend 4/5 years of your life, 2 hours a day, workouts, spring/summer/fall, films. Yet you only get 40 chances, if you're lucky, to enjoy the fruits of your labor. In each of those contests, you really will only play for 15 minutes of true exertion. Think about that, a year's worth of full-time commitment for what is really a couple hours of reward. Maybe that is why I can't remember what I learned in XYZ class, or even what I ate for breakfast yesterday, but I vividly remember even the most subtle minutia of every second on that field. We learn techniques so specific that one little missed read step or one split second of indecision can lose a game, and a lost game can cost a season. Pierre Garcon reminds of me of that rather frequently when I watch him on Sundays.
So there it is... I apologize for the rambling. But I think this explains why people like me can deal with major catastrophes in life rather well, yet tear up when college game day comes on, or they hear the speech in "Rudy" or "Any Given Sunday." And it is why we prominently display our team colors in a picture on the wall, because:
This place to most people is bricks and turf and bleachers. But to us, its our birthplace, our workplace, and maybe figuratively our resting place (for a piece of us at least). What comes next is up to us....We will go on and have careers, and families, and many successes and failures, but we will never forget what shaped who we are and will always be a part of us.
