(Disclaimer: This post is purely satirical and intended to be read for entertainment purposes. No other interpretations are intended, please read as such.)
This is my first post in over a year, which should speak to it’s importance. I have noticed what I believe to be a disturbing trend in the American media that has dire consequences for all of us common folk. Yes…as you may have suspected, I’m talking about pro-Vampire/anti-Zombie media bias. The title of “Horrors of Inequity” has a double meaning in this instance. We are all aware of the liberal media bias, President Obama is on the cover of every publication and newspaper touted as a hero while any disagreement with him (even factually based) is immediately labeled “racist.” Yet this vampire vs. zombie rift if far more insidious in nature and flies under the radar for most of us. Following some brief introductory facts, this post will be grouped into three main categories, media portrayal of vampires, media portrayal of zombies, and finally, the political and social consequences of bias.
Introductory Facts:
From an objective standpoint what do we know about these two creatures? Perhaps the following chart can help us draw some parallels:
This is my first post in over a year, which should speak to it’s importance. I have noticed what I believe to be a disturbing trend in the American media that has dire consequences for all of us common folk. Yes…as you may have suspected, I’m talking about pro-Vampire/anti-Zombie media bias. The title of “Horrors of Inequity” has a double meaning in this instance. We are all aware of the liberal media bias, President Obama is on the cover of every publication and newspaper touted as a hero while any disagreement with him (even factually based) is immediately labeled “racist.” Yet this vampire vs. zombie rift if far more insidious in nature and flies under the radar for most of us. Following some brief introductory facts, this post will be grouped into three main categories, media portrayal of vampires, media portrayal of zombies, and finally, the political and social consequences of bias.
Introductory Facts:
From an objective standpoint what do we know about these two creatures? Perhaps the following chart can help us draw some parallels:
Vampires | Zombies | |
Walking Dead | Yes | Yes |
Feed on Human Beings | Yes | Yes |
Convert Victims From Bites | Yes | Yes |
On paper, zombies and vampires are no different. In fact some may find Zombies to be superior because they don’t suffer from the sunlight and garlic allergies that afflict vampires, and don’t need an invitation to enter your home and eat your brains. Also, vampires drink blood which is not very intelligent. Blood carries all types of disease, including HIV/AIDS and hepatitis. Meanwhile, zombies eat brains (some argue the sexiest part of a person), sounds pretty smart to me! Of course the media would have you believe that makes zombies thugs that will break into your house, while vampires are too polite and intelligent. (We will delve into zombie/vampire test scores and crime rates in depth later in the post) First we must look at how the media shapes our perceptions of these creatures by analyzing how they are portrayed.
Team Edward (Media Portrayal of Vampirism):
Turn on the television or look at the movies playing in the theater and you will see productions that romanticize vampires as dark, lustful, brooding characters of great passion and intrigue. Has a vampire ever been portrayed as dim-witted or unsuccessful? Are we to believe there aren’t some black sheep vampires out there? This indoctrination of a populous with half-truths used to be known as “propaganda,” where I come from.
Look at our vampire leading men and women, we have Edward Cullen, a cultured vampire from a philanthropic family who believes in chivalry to the highest degree. There is Colin Ferrel who brings masculine sexuality to the screen in "fright night", and even as an alcoholic womanizing vampire he is celebrated. Then there is interview with the vampire (Brad Pitt) and “True Blood” on HBO, which are both essentially vampire pornography thinly veiled as drama. On the female side we see Kate Beckinsale in a tight leather suit (leaves nothing to the imagination) making pouty faces as she annihilates werewolves with extreme prejudice. I remember a quote from the band “Bush” in the 90’s that stated “there’s no sex in your violence.” Apparently we don’t hold vampires to such a standard! In addition, our vampire heroes always reside in large sprawling mansions, collect fine art, and drive the nicest sport’s cars money can buy (more on systematic income disparity later).
Team Jacob-stein (Media Portrayal of Zombification):
In the same light, when we look at how the media portrays zombies we see the opposite. Dysfunctional, poorly educated, terrible hygiene, nomadic… any malady that you can attribute to a person is transferred upon these poor zombies. The counterpart to “True Blood” is “The Walking Dead,” where hoards of zombies are shot or bludgeoned to death with no questions asked, and usually for minding their own business. In the movies, zombies are butchered en-mass for comedic effect while they clumsily walk around oblivious to their plight. The stars in these movies are the ones killing the zombies, which is in contrast to the vampires who play the role of the anti-hero.
Mothers Don’t Let Your Sons Grow up to be Zombies (Consequences of Bias):
We know that the statistics don’t lie folks, Zombies are statistically more likely to be convicted of violent crime. Vampires SAT and standardized tests scores are significantly higher than those of their zombie counterparts. But I ask you, how can we blame a zombie for being a product of his or her environment. Vampires have a plethora of systematic advantages over zombies that lead to these large disparities. These negative aspects of zombie life are more a result of their socio-economic status than their craving for brains.
Vampires have more economic resources than zombies, their family trees are largely rooted in royalty, such is the case with Count Dracula. The first vampires had great wealth which they shared with their converts, this dates all the way back to the feudal system. Vampirism began in the ranks of the elite in a deal with the devil for their soul, hence how they become immortal . Now many of us are familiar with the time value of money, or the principal of compounding interest. These vampires have been investing their wealth since the 1400’s, do you have any idea what the compounding interest of 600 years can add up to? Couple this with an inequitable tax code on capital gains, and the rich only get richer.
In contrast, due to people’s perceptions of zombies, many competent and skilled zombie workers are victims of prejudice in hiring. It is perceived that they are lazy and transient, and won’t be reliable workers. The high unemployment rate of zombies is a direct result of the media’s constant attack on their accountability! This inability to find steady work only widens the income gap between zombies and vampires. Also, many zombies grow up in single parent homes (because their parent(s) were victims of zombie hate crime) which means less parent contact and less discipline. Human on zombie hate crime is at an all time high, and it only re-enforces the negative cycle of violence in the young zombie mind. When looking for a role model...which one of these would you choose?
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My question is this… If zombies were given positive role models and a fair chance at social mobility, don’t you think we would see more successful zombie youth? I would like to hear a young zombie say “someday, I want to be president,” or “someday I’m going to discover a vaccine to rid me of this virus that causes my insatiable craving for human flesh.” As a person with a zombie family member, I have seen the detrimental impact our media has on a zombie’s psyche and self-esteem. So I urge you to contact your elected officials and urge them to stop anti-zombie bias in the media. Let’s start to make a difference in a young zombie’s life. United we stand, divided we fall!
